MORE MUSINGS FROM MEXICOTwo things crossed my desk today, each from my home town of Brewer Maine. The first was an email from a former classmate apprising me of the death of another classmate from High School. The other was an announcement that the Boy Scouts Troop of which I was a member had turned 100 years old. Both of these news items, together, combined to cause a rush of memories of my childhood.
Brenda's death touched me far deeper than any friendship we had during High School. I recall several opportunities when I could have been a better friend and wasn't. You see, Brenda was physically challenged to the point that she eventually became a quadriplegic. She was handicapped even more by the ignorance and intolerance of the community and sometimes me. I don't make apologies for my behavior, or lack of action, to be more specific. I was a kid and moved in different circles than did Brenda. But on the occasions when our paths did cross, I was frequently less than kind and sometimes downright hurtful.
I would love to rationalize my behavior away as that of a young kid who didn't know any better. The problem is, though, I did know better. I was raised to know better. I had been a jerk and knew it. As happens, Brenda and I never connected again after High School, both she and I moved away, me to the Navy, Viet Nam, and marriage, and she (I just found out) to State government, where she was a driving force in Maine becoming aware of the handicapped and their special needs.
Call it karma, fate, or destiny, but 40+ years later I do have the opportunity to atone for whatever slights I did to Brenda. Some of you may know that my wife is now handicapped and dependent on my assistance for her daily needs. God does work in mysterious ways.
The second piece of news was about Boy Scout Troop reaching the 100 year milestone. As a boy and continuing into my teens I was involved in scouting. I was a Cub Scout, Boy Scout (in Troop 1) and an Explorer Scout. These organizations made up much of my 'out of family' life as a child. What I remember most was the freedom to make mistakes, with the expectation that we learned from those mistakes. Each week we were expected to show up at a meeting, dress a certain way, be clean and act right. We performed rituals that included attention to God and Country. We learned to undertake tasks with the expectation that we completed these tasks on time and in the desired format. Our leaders made no secret that the Scouts was a place to learn how to be a 'man'. Weaknesses were challenged but never exploited. Leadership qualities were encouraged and rewarded. We (I) learned that being a good follower was also OK.
I'm not sure that these qualities are taught today. I wonder if children are encouraged to try new things with the possibility of failure. I sometimes see parents talk of failure as a four letter word. The ability to fail builds character. We were allowed to put ourselves in harms way, under supervision, and when we failed, it was a learning opportunity, not a time for ridicule. I still have the scars from a fall onto the “big rockies” while on an Explorer outing to Beach Hill Lake. I was fearless and careless. I lost my footing on a boulder and opened up my knee. Our leader, Gardner Reed, had to leave the group and take me home. I felt terrible. Not for the cut and new stitches, but because I would have to suffer the teasing from my friends. The teasing lasted about a day, the lessons from that day still serve me today.
Recently it seems that the only time I hear about friends from High School is in the obituaries. I guess that is to expected, but not welcomed. I am a better person because of the Scouts. And I can now understand how my choices very often result in consequences unimaginable at the time.
Brenda's death touched me far deeper than any friendship we had during High School. I recall several opportunities when I could have been a better friend and wasn't. You see, Brenda was physically challenged to the point that she eventually became a quadriplegic. She was handicapped even more by the ignorance and intolerance of the community and sometimes me. I don't make apologies for my behavior, or lack of action, to be more specific. I was a kid and moved in different circles than did Brenda. But on the occasions when our paths did cross, I was frequently less than kind and sometimes downright hurtful.
I would love to rationalize my behavior away as that of a young kid who didn't know any better. The problem is, though, I did know better. I was raised to know better. I had been a jerk and knew it. As happens, Brenda and I never connected again after High School, both she and I moved away, me to the Navy, Viet Nam, and marriage, and she (I just found out) to State government, where she was a driving force in Maine becoming aware of the handicapped and their special needs.
Call it karma, fate, or destiny, but 40+ years later I do have the opportunity to atone for whatever slights I did to Brenda. Some of you may know that my wife is now handicapped and dependent on my assistance for her daily needs. God does work in mysterious ways.
The second piece of news was about Boy Scout Troop reaching the 100 year milestone. As a boy and continuing into my teens I was involved in scouting. I was a Cub Scout, Boy Scout (in Troop 1) and an Explorer Scout. These organizations made up much of my 'out of family' life as a child. What I remember most was the freedom to make mistakes, with the expectation that we learned from those mistakes. Each week we were expected to show up at a meeting, dress a certain way, be clean and act right. We performed rituals that included attention to God and Country. We learned to undertake tasks with the expectation that we completed these tasks on time and in the desired format. Our leaders made no secret that the Scouts was a place to learn how to be a 'man'. Weaknesses were challenged but never exploited. Leadership qualities were encouraged and rewarded. We (I) learned that being a good follower was also OK.
I'm not sure that these qualities are taught today. I wonder if children are encouraged to try new things with the possibility of failure. I sometimes see parents talk of failure as a four letter word. The ability to fail builds character. We were allowed to put ourselves in harms way, under supervision, and when we failed, it was a learning opportunity, not a time for ridicule. I still have the scars from a fall onto the “big rockies” while on an Explorer outing to Beach Hill Lake. I was fearless and careless. I lost my footing on a boulder and opened up my knee. Our leader, Gardner Reed, had to leave the group and take me home. I felt terrible. Not for the cut and new stitches, but because I would have to suffer the teasing from my friends. The teasing lasted about a day, the lessons from that day still serve me today.
Recently it seems that the only time I hear about friends from High School is in the obituaries. I guess that is to expected, but not welcomed. I am a better person because of the Scouts. And I can now understand how my choices very often result in consequences unimaginable at the time.
"people should have to pay to go to church and theater should be free"
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