WHEN FAITH ISN'T ENOUGH
(Or at least it seems that way)
Prayer, meditation, fasting, and other forms of spiritual cleansing are each, in their own way, forms of internal self-talk that we all use to make sense of the events of our lives. Most of the time we don't even know that is what we are doing. Somewhere in our history we have been taught how to cope with stressful situations. Some us were taught to pray for guidance. Some have been told that meditation and fasting will lead to peace of mind. Others of us were taught that stress is best dealt with by chemical intervention, legal and otherwise. Of course, not all of these methods are effective all of the time. At least, not to our level of expectation. Sometimes, even after doing what we know has worked in the past, we find that we are still unsatisfied. Our needs are left unmet. The most common reason that these methods are not always effective is because they rely on the individual to have the insight and strength to carry on alone. When we get stuck in the loop of stress and disappointment we need to get outside of ourselves and involve another. One of the best ways to do this is to visit our spiritual guide. Most minister, pastors, priests, etc. have some training and expertise in counseling people through stress. There are also groups of professional counselors who have specific education, training and skills, some of which use a spiritual and/or biblical approach.
HOW DO I KNOW WHEN I NEED A COUNSELOR?
There is no easy answer to this question. Only you can know when you have done all that you know how to do and still are not satisfied. Some of us go immediately to a spiritual guide when things get stressful. Some go inside ourselves and pray or meditate for guidance. And some of us go inside of a bottle. A professional counselor can be the next best option. First of all they are uniquely qualified to do the job. Next, they are bound by ethical mandates of confidentiality. And, sometimes most importantly, they can act as a disinterested third party who can give honest feedback, insight, and confrontation, allowing you to see your issues from another point of view. To gain perspective, so to speak. Oftentimes this new perspective is the key to resolving your stress.
WHERE DO I FIND A COUNSELOR?
When we are experiencing stress, we oftentimes become concerned that others will see us as weak and vulnerable. This makes it difficult to ask for help. Who do you trust? Your family? Pastor? Friends? When the answer is difficult to find, get out the BOOK. No, not that one, although it never hurts to consult the Bible for answers, the book here is the Yellow Pages. Go to the “Marriage and Family Counselors” or “Mental Health” sections and go down the list. Do you recognize any of the names? Did someone you know use one of these agencies? Are any of them specifically offering a Christian or Bible based approach? If none of the names stand out, pick up the phone and call the agency who's ad grabs your attention. You need to ask these three questions:
Do you have Christian counselors available?
What are your fees? Do you have a sliding fee schedule? What, if any, insurance do you accept?
Are your counselors licensed or certified in any way?
The ideal match would be a Christian counselor who is licensed or certified, who is able to provide services you can afford without adding to your stress.
WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT FROM A COUNSELOR?
When you are “in counseling” you are in it 24/7, not just the 50 minutes you are with the counselor. Your counselor will only be able to help you with the issues you bring with you to the sessions. Some counselors are clever and can sometimes “trick” you into areas you are trying to avoid. But, here it is, it's your dime! You can decide to jump into the deep end right away and get down to it, or you can hem and haw at $$ an hour, waiting for the counseling to “work”. If you choose the later approach, don't be surprised if the counselor asks you to come back when you're ready to work.
Write down what it is you are feeling, thinking, and looking for as an outcome of the counseling before coming to the first session. Your counselor may even ask you to complete an intake questionnaire, inviting you to explain your background and current situation. Be as specific as you can. The more you can get your issues out and onto paper, the quicker you can get down to work in the sessions.
Counseling sessions take may forms. The most common is the office interview, conversation style. You and the counselor discuss your issues in a quiet, comfortable room. The counselor may ask open ended questions in an attempt to guide you through a particular point. You may be asked to talk about your belief system and how your beliefs effects your issues. Don't be surprised if you are asked to describe your relationships. Sometimes how we relate to others explains a lot about how we deal with stress. And you should expect homework to be completed between sessions. This may be a journal, notes to yourself, questionnaires or worksheets, etc. Or, you may be asked to read something or watch a video. Let's face it. You are in counseling because what you have always done to deal with stress has failed. You need to learn something new. Knowledge is the key to changing beliefs. And beliefs are the framework of our behavior. It's as simple as “A,B,C”.
A- Activating Event
B- Belief/Behavior
C- Consequences
Something happens, we make choices based on our beliefs about the event which lead to behaviors, and there are consequences associated with our choices/behaviors. These consequences become the next activating events and the whole cycle begins again. If, at any point in this process we take a detour or are confronted with a roadblock we can't get around, we can spin out of control. What we “know” no longer provides relief. What we believe comes into question, and what we do is based on faulty logic. It is this faulty logic that a counselor can discover and help you get back on track.
WHAT COUNSELING CAN'T DO
FIX IT! Counseling can not “fix” anything. Only you can do that. Your counselor can only point out some of your faulty logic which is clouding your choice making ability.
MAKE IT GO AWAY! Your stress is a naturally occurring result of some event that your prior coping mechanisms are not able to deal with. If fact, you don't want the stress to go away, unresolved. It will be there in the background, eating away at your self confidence and self esteem. Skin conditions, heart problems, nervous tics, and high blood pressure are oftentimes the result of unresolved stress. You must deal with it.
CURE YOU! Happily, stress is one of those conditions that we have the ability to “cure” ourselves, with assistance. Once you have determined the cause of the stress, you can take steps to reduce the symptoms and avoid their return. Your new knowledge and understanding will lead to changes in your belief system. These changes in your beliefs will lead to changes in the way you view the world and how these events effect you. And, consequently, this new perspective on the world will result in better choices when similar events occur in the future.
WHAT ABOUT MY FAITH?
It is possible that some of your beliefs about God, Jesus, and religion will be challenged. Don't worry, God can take it. Jesus will never be hurt by your questions. And your religious beliefs can always use a little tweaking. If they are true, they will be your base, your support system, your foundation. If they let you down, maybe they weren't true in the first place. If you are a Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, or whatever, because your parents were, or you belong to a church whose focus has turned away from the faith it had when you joined, it maybe time for a change. At least it's time for a review of your core values. If, during the counseling process you are suddenly confronted with a crisis of faith you have the obligation to tell the counselor this. A faith-based counselor will be able to guide you. You may be asked to join like minded people for group sessions dealing with this specific issue.
Acceptance is the key. Never, absolutely never, does anything happen in God's world by accident.
God don't make mistakes. And God doesn't answer to us. We answer to Him
Paraphrased from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
"people should have to pay to go to church and theater should be free"
